ILLOGICAL THOUGHTS

APRIL 2005
MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.
2. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.
3. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.
4. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.
5. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.
6. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?
7. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.
8. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THAT IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.
9. THE ONE WHO LAUGHS LAST, DIDN'T GET THE JOKE.
10. TIME DOES NOT PASS, WE PASS.
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HAVE YOU EVER ASKED WHY?
*If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes around?
*Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
*Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
*Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
*Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
*Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
*How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
*Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
*In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
*How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
*If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? *Obviously< if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!
*The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. So, think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.