February 01, 2009


* We get too soon old and too late smart. ---
**The older we get, the more liberated we feel, because at some point we say to ourselves, I am now xx years of age. What the hell is anyone going to do to me.
**Indulging regret and going through the wouldas, couldas and shouldas is pointless.
**God has a crazy sense of humor. By the time we figure so many things out to our own satisfaction, our bodies are too worn down to do anything about it.
**Enjoy the trip, particularly in the last quarter of the journey. The sunsets reflect many great days that have established that man in the mirror.
* Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter ( mother of Jimmy Carter )
* I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
* Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain
* The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
* Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge
* Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
* By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
* I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
* My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante
* I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
* Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine
* My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. --
Rodney Dangerfield
* Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. --
Spike Milligan
* I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. --
Mark Twain
* Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. -- Joe Namath
* I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope
* I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields
* We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers
*Don't worry about avoiding temptation. as you grow older, it will avoid you. --
Winston Churchill
* Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller
* By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. --
Billy Crystal
* The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

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